| 3 years ago today I tried to commit suicide.
No one until this very minute knew about it except for my mom
2 years ago today I was wishing that I had committed suicide.
Not even the people closest to me knew I still had those thoughts
1 year ago today I met God on a Wednesday night at youth group.
I thank God every single morning for not letting me die that Monday night.
I love life.
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"I sat watching a flower as it was withering, I was embarrassed by its
honesty because I'd prefer to be remembered as a smiling face, not this
fucking wreck that's taken it's place."
Every now and then I fall apart.
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"November, The Suicide Season."
Samuel, "The Bankrupt," 1773
November 1st, 2007, 6:25am, something happened that changed my life forever. I nearly lost everything. I nearly destroyed all that I have, all that I have worked for, all that others have worked for. I nearly lost my freedom, I nearly lost my life. From then on, I went through what is still, and hopefully ever will be the most horrific, frightening experience of my existence. That night, I sat in a dark room, my body wretched as I cried. I was in pieces. I couldn't sleep, I couldn't eat, I couldn't move. I was clutching one of my friends that night, he was crying too. He was shouting for his mother. I remember staring out my window. I have never, in my whole life, even considered suicide. I stare at my window. The feeling of actually wanting to end your own life is unreal. I remember being sick as soon as the thought occurred. I lived with this every day. I tried to be smile, but there was always this darkness. Feeding on the back of my mind. Constantly reminding. But by some miracle, I survived this. Its something I will never forget. And although I looked back in shame, I don't look back in regret. I have been taught a great lesson. I will never take what I have for granted ever again. Next to no one knows this secret I carry. Next to no one probably ever will. |
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I want to commit suicide. |
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